I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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