we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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