Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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