Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
