Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
