I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
