John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
