Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
