Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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