she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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