you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
