Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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