i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
