is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
