so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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