i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
