I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
