I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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