Little spoons don't ask big questions
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
