I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
