Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
