I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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