He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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