My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
