I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
