Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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