weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
