My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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