I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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