I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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