oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
