I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
