Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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