Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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