i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Buhtt sex?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
tell me about the eggs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
