i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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