My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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