You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
