so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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