You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
