I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
