She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
