you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
