i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
