he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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