I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
