found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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