Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
