Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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