Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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