I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
