the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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