oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
