ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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