so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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