Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
