At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
