Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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