just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
