The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
