scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
