Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
