I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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