yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
