I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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