so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize