How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
