am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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